Maria Hofer

An Innocent Observation

So you’re standing in front of all sorts of useful things, all of which aren’t in their correct places. These things have been dipped in paint, colorfully sprayed or maybe even iced like cakes. But even so, their purpose has remained visible; you know where these things belong and that someone has removed them from where they were supposed to be. Subsequently, these useful things were combined with useless things—for example with an ugly vase, confetti or colorful socks. These useless things are usually just decoration, but the useful ones are there in order to make other things function; tools, after all, are not toys! Here, tools and Styrofoam have confetti glued to them, and the all this is also fastened to useless things using polyurethane foam or carpet tape. This nonsense is held together by multipurpose materials from the hardware store, even though one really shouldn’t waste something so practical. In this, these materials have in one fell swoop disqualified themselves, the consequence being the loss of their usefulness. Where would we end up otherwise? In that place, for example, where the useful things lose their innocence, at that very moment when you feel the child-like urge to lick off the paint (even though you’re well aware that the paint is most probably poisonous). Even so, you want to get rid of it. Then we can go to sleep in peace; all is well. The shy ones among us might perhaps just remain standing respectfully before all this, in open-mouthed admiration of the beautiful colors—like in front of a candy shop. But even then, it is only a matter of time until you catch yourself undressing these things with your eyes, and you begin to want to suck the paint from a colorful penis made of cotton and nylon stockings—as if nobody had warned you against it.

How could you?! Because now you’re the pig, and these things stand before you in their innocence and are as colorful as they were before. So you probably would do best to leave them where they are after all, for it’s already late, and there will be food on the table at noon sharp.
Bon appétit.